If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
