i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
