I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Randomize
