Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
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