i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
