How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
