i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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