I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
