She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
