yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
