i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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