I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
