i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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