I want to make a zoo with you.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
My vagina just clenched in fear
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