I wish they made helmets for livers.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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