so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
