Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
