Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
