Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
