We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
