My liver just broke up with me...
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
