I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
