I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
