I'm so fucking centered right now
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Randomize
