So drunk its hurt
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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