Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
