her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
