this just has baby written all over it
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
