Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
