JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
