How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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