Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
