remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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