she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
