Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
