I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
