I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
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