Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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