my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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