I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
We talked him into tasing himself.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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