I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
