I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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