Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
