My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
