we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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