So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
