I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
