Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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