none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
