u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
We are all done wearing pants today
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
