Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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