and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
