You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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