rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
