I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize