My underwear smells like fireworks.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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