woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
