I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
