If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
