well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
