God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Randomize
