I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
