I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
You pole danced in your parka.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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