I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
