hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Im part way to drunk.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
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