I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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