Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
