also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
