Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
