They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
