I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize