yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
